Friday, August 27, 2010

How "Not" to compliment a Big Girl

I have to admit I'm not very good at accepting a compliment, never have been. For some reason it embarrasses me. Especially when I'm being complimented on my looks. Well, you all know by now—if you have been following my blog, that my weight is definitely an issue.

This brings me to my subject for today. I am reminded of the time I was at the mall in the food court getting a slice of pizza with my son and the kid behind the counter, poor fella, asked me when I was due. Apparently he thought I was pregnant. I started busting up laughing and said, "honey, I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat!" He turned about ten colors of red. I actually felt really bad for him—for about a minute, then realized, I probably did him a favor. I'm fairly certain he learned a huge lesson that day and will never make that mistake again!

There are others that see my fat ass coming and feel they must compliment me in order to help boost my confidence. They say lovely things like " have you lost weight, you look really good" As I mentioned, hard for me to accept a compliment. My mind automatically thinks "oh, I see, so I looked "bad" before?" I know it's bullshit because I could lose 15 lbs and it really wouldn't show. That's like a skinny bitch losing 2 lbs and someone noticing. Seriously! Not only have I not lost weight, I haven't lost any brain cells either. So gimme a break. I know you all mean well, but I would rather you say nothing at all then to say something stupid and unbelievable as "have you lost weight" Believe me if I lose any significant amount of weight I will be telling everyone, so you'll know.

The other thing that bothers me is when I mention something about being fat—which actually happens often because I am so self-conscious about it, you say "awe, you're not fat" Have you seen me? Do me a favor and just laugh with me when I crack my jokes and don't try to make yourself feel better by throwing in that little tidbit. My eye sight is getting worse, but I can still see!

I know all of this sounds really harsh, but seriously, I am a big girl. I know I'm big and it's not a mystery to me how I came to be the voluptuous wonder you see before you! So please give only sincere compliments like, "that top looks really good on you" (if it does), or "love your necklace" (if you do). Please don't try to patronize me into feeling good about myself. I have my big girl panties on and I'm dealing with it!

Much Love—Jodi

Thursday, August 12, 2010

My Tantrum—Right Back at Ya!

I know I'm gonna get flack from a few parents out there with this one—but I don't care, it has to be said! Does your child throw temper tantrums at the dinner table at home? Then why the hell would you bring that same child into the restaurant where I am trying to enjoy my dinner! I hear parents say things like "so sorry, we have been out all day and she's very tired" Then keep the fucking kid at home and get some take-out. Apparently you would prefer to come to this restaurant and let your damn kid stand up in the booth so that they can entertain my ass. Yeah, lady, your daughter playing with my ponytail was only cute the first time, now it's just annoying!

Wouldn't it make sense that now that there is no longer a smoking section in restaurants, that we designate that area as a kid free zone? I really have nothing against children, but I think they should not be allowed in restaurants other than McDonald's, Burger King and the like. And BTW isn't there a restaurant designated just for your kids? I believe it's called "Chuck E. Cheese! I think running around and screaming at the top of your lungs is allowed there. Maybe you should familiarize yourself with that establishment.

I'm really not trying to be a hater of children. I love children— just not yours! When my kid was growing up I was smart enough to know that when he was 0-5 years of age, he had no business eating with the adult population. I kept him at home. On the rare occasion that I did take him out to eat, he was forewarned "I will swipe your ass up out of that seat faster than you can get tears out of your eyes—do not play with me" That's right, I was a mean mommy. Guess what else, my child listened to me when I told him to do something and knew better than to talk back about it too!

So take that!! — I look forward to your comments, LOL

Much Love—Jodi