Monday, February 20, 2017

Countdown Has Begun

Surgery day is exactly 9 days from now and I've noticed that I've become a bit emotional. At first, just stupid things were going wrong and I was having a bad day. Today, my computer wouldn't print for me and then when I got it to print, it was out of ink. Needless to say this did not go over well with me! Hubby of course, got the wrath of it, like somehow it was his fault.

Well, I think I figured out what's going on with me. I thought I was fine and just impatient to get this show on the road but to be honest, I think I am in mourning. As I say that, the tears are running down my face. Seems like a stupid thing, but when you've spent the majority of your adult life eating whatever you wanted, it's very strange to think about no longer being able to do that.

I definitely know the surgery is the best thing I can do for myself, and in no way am I having second thoughts, but just knowing that I can't eat pizza, or ice cream or just steak and potatoes, definitely feels like a loss. I'm sure if I psychoanalyzed myself, I'd discover that food was probably a very good friend, if not my best friend. It's always been there for me when I was sad, or depressed, or lonely, so why wouldn't I be upset about losing it?

I'm guessing that once I have the surgery and start seeing the results, the loss of my favorite foods will be less painful. I definitely prepared for this and I think in the back of my mind I knew I would feel this way, so like everything else, I'll face it, deal with it and move on.

We'll talk again soon…
Much Love, Jodi

Starting Weight: 293 lbs

Monday, February 13, 2017

The Killing of Jennifer

I haven't written in my blog for so long, I'm sure most of you had forgotten I even had one. I guess as my weight has gotten out of hand, my energy and motivation have also gone by the wayside. This series of posts will be getting much more personal, well at least emotionally, as I will be writing about my weight loss process in the hopes it might help someone else with similar struggles. The last two years have been a real wake up call for me and I've finally accepted that it's time, time to rid myself of Jennifer.

They say when you are my size, which is now pushing 300lbs, that it's like carrying an extra person around with you. That's where Jennifer comes in—she's my plus one. I've loved her and nurtured her for years now. I've fed her cupcakes and ice cream and indulged her when she begged for cheese fries. Even though I knew to give in to her was only going to hurt the both of us in the end. And here we are on the cusp of weight loss surgery because of "her" addictions.

Of course I joke about Jennifer not being any help at all. The least the girl could do is help around the house once in a while. Maybe pull out the vacuum occasionally or "Bitch can you wash a dish?" but the truth is, it's all me. It's me that has terrible eating habits. I skip breakfast. Sometimes I eat lunch, but mostly I'll eat one meal a day and by the time I realize I haven't eaten all day, I'm starving. I'm starving generally means whatever I choose to eat at this point is an overindulgence. Either I eat the wrong thing (something fried, something cheesy) or I eat to much. It's a vicious cycle. Of course all my body knows is that it needs to hold on to whatever nutrition I've consumed because it has no idea when the next meal will come.

I believe this is a problem with most overweight people, especially women. I always say I "forget" to eat. Yeah, I know, I can hear you saying "Honey, from the looks of you, I doubt you've ever forgotten a meal, maybe you're just not remembering right" It is true though, I get involved in my work or social media (I can watch kitten and puppy videos for hours on end) and simply don't realize how much time has passed until, well, it's dinnertime. Oops! Over years and years of doing this, your body just stays in a dormant state and refuses to let go of the fat it needs to survive. Now add my age, I'm almost 60 and lack of exercise and there you have it, the voluptuous beauty of me.

So, I've been contemplating writing to you about all of this for a while now, ever since I decided this surgery was going to happen. I have gotten all my medical clearances completed, attended all my appointments with the nutritionist and my surgery date is set for February 28th. So if you're curious enough to follow along with me, I'll be making regular posts to let you know how everything is going. I'm hoping I can hold on to my humor through the pain and suffering and give you a laugh or two. So please feel free to comment, encourage or to just say "hello".

Here we go...